1/23/10

Ostensibly so

Do you want to appear cool, learned, well read, erudite, elite or all of the above ? Then here are some tips you can follow in the new year:

  • Say something about how vinyl LPs used to be cool. Little does it matter that you were born in the 90's.
  • Talk about fruitiness, dryness or full bodied"ness" or some arbitrary combination of these while sipping wine. If your friends are just as half-witted as you are, they will nod in accord.
  • Always compare a movie that is based on a book with it and state whether it was better or worse. Neither watching the movie nor reading the book is a prerequisite for such commentary.
  • Express some frustration about marijuana not being legal, completely out of context. Who cares that you cannot tell the difference between a bong and a bagpipe?
  • When you are ill informed about an issue, default to the liberal side of things.
  • Try to use words like Polyannish, Kafkaesque, Freudian etc. whenever possible. Better yet... use them in the same sentence, when talking about that book that was made into a movie, as in: "The protagonist's Polyannish optimism coupled with a Freudian view of relationships sets the stage for a Kafkaesque plot which yields itself very nicely to a screenplay." Again remember, meaning is irrelevant. 
  • And for men: Don't forget bright red colored tennis shoes. They are all the rage in the circles you may want to impress. Little does it matter that the last time you were nine years old, was about thirty years ago.

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