After trying hard to remember for a long long time, I have now recollected some important details of my past life. You read it right, I am saying that I now remember what I was in my past life. But before you get your hopes too high, let me burst your bubble by saying that I was neither a king nor a nobleman of some sort in my pre-incarnation. Also don't bother asking me if I led an exciting life in one way or another and whether I died a premature and horrible death. A lot of other people claim to have had those experiences in their past lives. Me? I was not even human. I was in fact a parasite. The kind of parasite that could have killed you in the middle ages, if it had entered your stomach. So, if you had seen me then, you would be hard pressed to tell my mouth from my behind. However, I was a spiritual parasite nonetheless. But, since I did not posses a mouth, eyes or limbs, I had no way of expressing my spirituality. You are just going to have to take my word for it.
As I think harder about this, I do remember passing through the digestive tracts of half a dozen kings and two dozen noblemen, with fatal consequences. And some of those people seem to have reincarnated as my friends, just to seek revenge by telling me make-believe stories about their past lives. On such occasions, when I am exasperated by listening to these intolerable blowhards, I yearn to be my fake previous self again.