We got ourselves one of those things they call "infants" about six weeks ago. And our lives have suddenly become interesting. A new baby forces you to learn new things. But sometimes as you are training yourself in this new discipline of parenting, some of the reflexes you are learning misfire at odd times. For instance, I sometimes find myself talking to the boss in infantile gibberish like "Ajoo gujoo buboo, who wants a status report"? Astonishingly enough, this actually turned out to be a happy accident, given how well it worked. On other occasions, I find myself rocking the dinner plate back and forth as if I was trying to put it to sleep. The net result is the same mind you, regardless of whether it is the dinner plate or the kid that I am rocking back and forth. Both end up spitting food at me.

Some of the other mix-ups actually happen because of the new gizmos you have to purchase. Take baby monitors for instance. When you have the phone sitting next to the main baby monitor station (an unforgivable offense in its own right), the baby monitor's receiver rings just like a real cordless handset. And then ten seconds of insanity and confusion ensues before you realize that you are yelling into the baby monitor's receiver, while wondering why the phone is still ringing. In summary, if you were to witness my daily routine right now, you would be hard pressed to identify the infant among us.

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